i really miss her :\ A Question of Lust

Fragile
Like a baby in your arms
Be gentle with me
I'd never willingly
Do you harm

Apologies
Are all you seem to get from me
But just like a child
You make me smile
When you care for me
And you know

It's a question of lust
It's a question of trust
It's a question of not letting
What we've built up
Crumble to dust
It is all of these things and more
That keep us together

Independence
Is still important for us though (we realise)
It's easy to make
The stupid mistake
Of letting go (do you know what I mean)

My weaknesses
You know each and every one (it frightens me)
But I need to drink
More than you seem to think
Before I'm anyone's
And you know

It's a question of lust
It's a question of trust
It's a question of not letting
What we've built up
Crumble to dust
It is all of these things and more
That keep us together

Kiss me goodbye
When I'm on my own
But you know that I'd
Rather be home

It's a question of lust

--Depeche Mode

work was real slow today. it felt like i was there for 25 hours. ugh. monday and wednesday i have to work till ten. we have to stay that extra hour because of 'back to school.' blah.

i hope it rains.

time for sleep. i had another lucid dream the other night. it actually lasted quite a while before my body decided it was time for reality.

sleep

maybe i'm just bored

now i just need my car stereo to arrive then i'll be appy. i had a chance to play with it some more at the store. they told me it would arrive this week. *tapping foot* lalalalalalalala

still in agony...

no

i'll take my own words. i'll take my own thoughts. my own free thoughts will keep me from going crazy. i haven't felt this way in a long time and it's killing me--slowly. i can't sit still. i can't stop thinking about . . . she used to look good to me, now i find her simply irrisistable

shaun told me he would move with me if i decided to move. *making plans*

what do i say? what do i do?

time to get hair cut.....

i ate at pf changs today. goood food. i would nrmally go to eddie chan's, but i wanted dessert and pf changs has some good dessert.

look at this. then look at this. interesting huh?

okay enough about that. nothing really exciting to report on today. just counting down.....

yeah yeah yeah

unf unf unf

i still remember that from the 5th grade

*sigh*

went to ed debevic's today for dinner with family. shaun turned 21 and had to wear a funny hat. the burger i had was great. later went to jillians with shaun and played a few games. i got 2nd place in hi scores on capcom vs snk 2. i love that game. later went to village inn to get more food for shaun and a shake for me. i'm sure this is all very interesting :) now i'm at home realizing how late it is and that i should head to sleep. farewell and goodnight.

blink
blink

just when i think i've seen it all.

off to fry's electronics.

i can't wait for sunday. just another day off...

so who's with me?

just found this site.

i cleaned out my engine bay a little while ago. ugh it is so disgusting how grease and grime is on that hting. i need to find a wire brush somewhere to get that stuff off real good. it does look noticably cleaner now. unfortuanetly the cleaner i get my car the dirtier i get. it's one of those mathematical ratio things. i think it's inversely proportioned. uhm yeah...

llalalalalala i can't hear you lalalalalala

it appears i breathed in too much of the engine cleaner for one dayy. irk... erk... hiccup.. irkuppp... ;)

in other news i still have not seen starwars. from what people keep telling me i have to see it. i am by no means a starwars fan. infact i never really enjoyed the original star wars much.

in other news i workked today. fadjhgfljhef.

back to the music . . .

"irk deee di ftzz ftzz."

i think it means wake up. i can't wake up.

"IRK DEEE DI FTZZ FTZZ!"

can't save me. i'm too lost. the stairs are and replaced with logs. sharp jagged logs with teeth and the scarriest eyes. the eyes followed me down the logs. "ouch," they whispered. someone wake me up. the floor is gone, replaced with bubbles. can't walk on those. i might pop them. irk. maybe if i close my eyes... open them to find myself outside. the sky is red. the clouds are gone. i can see the stars but the sun is out, but very very dim. a cat walks past me and says "hi." i can hear children chanting. i close my eyes again. this time when i open them you're next to me.

"do you know why i pulled you over?"

"no"

"hah yeah right, step out of the vehicle"

the revolution has begun

you know the one thing that hurts me the most in the world is when someone calls me stupid.

ATHEIST

neat huh?

seconds turn to minutes... minutes turn to hours... - KMFDM

someone come over here and pick me up :)

1 2 3 pause 4 5 6 pause...

sing it again.....

sqroot(2)

don't eat at mcdonalds ever again okay?

i've eaten one too many chocaolate eggs tonight. they're nummy. not as nice as the eggs we had in sa. :\ those were the best.

i have to see this before it goes away. i have a spiffy telescope now so it should be neat.

i need away from all of this. should i just blow 3 grand and visit europe for a few months? could i even survive there for that long? who cares, it's only money.

i'm just rambling tonight. tell me to hush and ill go away...

got some real weird customers today at officemax. don't quite remember why they were weird... some were rude. managed NOT to fall off a ladder todAY.

just one a an auction for some 89+ tail lights for my 7 :) they should look swell on her. still gotta get some paint on her. scracthes and rock bump everewhere. grrrr.

anyone love me still?

Don't say you want me Don't say you need me Don't say you love me It's understood Don't say you're happy Out there without me I know you can't be 'cause it's no good

I'll be fine I'll be waiting patiently Till you see the signs And come running to my open arms When will you realise Do we have to wait till our worlds collide Open up your eyes You can't turn back the tide

Don't say you want me Don't say you need me Don't say you love me It's understood Don't say you're happy Out there without me I know you can't be 'cause it's no good

I'm going to take my time I have all the time in the world To make you mine It is written in the stars above

Don't say you want me Don't say you need me Don't say you love me It's understood Don't say you're happy Out there without me I know you can't be 'cause it's no good

-- Depeche Mode - It's No Good

what else? ho hum.

she's soooooo fiiiiiiiiine.. i find her simply irresistible... had that stuck in my head all day.

the temperature has certainly picked up quite a bit. i drove around yesterday and today just to get drenched in sweat. very very attarctive eh? oh well.... time to play with telescope some more....

i saw ice age last night. that was a great movie. refreshing change of movies. i saw monstare's ball last week. i like that movie. very different. kinda dark. still very entertaining. i would like to go watch amelie in the theaters before it stops playing. that will go down as one of my favorite movies of all time.

i n f a c t u a t i o n

it's cruel punishment.

in other news i finally got a decent 19 inch monitor. i have completely lost faith in NEC monitors. i had to send mine back to amazon.com. the quality was horrible and started acting funny. i am now the proud owner of a viewsonic. it's super snazzy. i also got an ati radeon to power the monitor.

in music news a i bought a bunch of cd's from ab-cd.com. i finally got my hand on some new bjork stuff for my collection. i got the vespertine box set, and her gling-glo project. i have completely fallen in love with gling-glo. i also got some other random singles and junk :)

among other things my job hunting is apparently going nowhere.

still jobhunting. need something to keeeeep me going.

well maybe not. but we can pretend. got my piii 933 up and running. i'' have to put some pictures up here of my new setup... in fact ill do that right now......

it's been such a long time since i wrote in this thing. a lot has happened since my last entry. i graduated from DeVry with BS in CIS. yay! go me! still searching for meaningful employment. i think i'de like to feed the children of the world, and rid china of communism. i believe that was in my course catalog description of things i can do with a BSCIS. hrmph.

pissed off i have been for past few days. why do women stay with their bf/husband when they get beaten to death? just the other night i witnessed first hand someone treating his gf/wife like a sack of potatoes. atleast she called the cops. to top it off the following day while i was working someone broke into my car. the cretin tried to steal my stereo!? he managed to break my faceplate off, which is not removeable, and mangle the stereo a little. i'm glad it still works or i'de be out for a little more than blood. funny thing is now i have a removable faceplate on my stereo.

gotta work again today. if i see anyone suspicious so much as glancing at my car i'm running outside with a spoon!

poink >:|

Yus Asaph

WOULD BE VERY DISSAPOINTED IN YOU. NARF POIONK--ZAP.

the wather has actually been kinda nice lately. there have been clouds and rain for a change.

off to writing again....

graduation is coming up real soon. i have no clue who to invite to this ceremony. should i invite everyone that i know? or should i invite only those that are close to me? wait a sec..how in theworld do i invite people? hrm i gotta figure that part out too.

time to head to class. today's exciting lecture willl be on SEX.

does anyone actuallyread this junk? let me know.

i have to go to sleep now. i haven't slept much lately. millions of thoughts traveling a million miles an hour are traveling through my head ta this very instant. if i could type that fast this might be quite a bit mroe interesting.you'lll just have to get inside myhead to find out. night.

i went to get my green card renewed today. after spending an hour trying to find the oplace it was closed!? i guess the INS people have to worship on sundays and mondays. i have to wake up early again tomorrow and head down there so that i can legally work here.

seems it is finally starting to cool off here in the valley of the sun. it seems that phoenix is actually about 30,000 KM closer to the sun than any other city in the world.i always suspected it, but now it is fact.

enough rambling. all the keys on this keyboard are fading off. it could get real interesting soon because i still do the whole hunt-and-peck methid of typing.

I've included a link to my webcam page. It incidently sits on a seperate server somewhere else on this planet. I'm not sure of its phsyical location except that it's at theunixplace.com. If you're lucky you may just catch a glimpes of me or anyone else who bothers to turn on the webcam. I may end up writing a program that can turn it on and off remotely ;)

Well august is super super super hot hot hOT. :\ My car is still broken and I am driving my dad's car that has no a/c. My car doesn't have it either. So long as it doesn't kill me I'm okay with it :)

are you out there?

another day at school. i have a test in about 20 minutes. something about cryptography and security if i remember correctly from the powerpoint presentations in class. time to study!

it seems i am finally at a time in my acedemic career when i have to make to jugle school/work/people. it's slowly erroding away at my brain. i can't wait for october 26! i'll have a diploma in my hand a million opportunities. enough rambling for one night. 'night. :)